Match Report: Newcastle United 2 Spurs 2 (not what we were hoping for).

Match Report: Newcastle United 2 Spurs 2 (not what we were hoping for).

What a crock of shit. This wasn’t what I was hoping for (unless you are a Toons, Chelski, Reds, City, United, Leicester Titty or even a Toffee chewing fan). With Chelski and Leicester Titty drawing, we blew it. We bloody blew it! We don’t deserve to get in the Champions League next season on this performance. And as for the Europa League, don’t make me laugh. And who have we got next? Yes, you’ve guessed it, United (the Manchester kind). You just want to cry. As for City and the League Cup, they’d be laughing all the way to Wembley.

Next season Daniel Levy must do some serious thinking, otherwise, our posh stadium will be a laughing stock. As I said in a previous blog, we’ve got a Rolls Royce car with a Vauxhall engine in it that is just spluttering all over the place. Then there is Harry Kane and Son… what do they want? Trophies and a club with ambition, or are they just at the club for the ride?

So, where has this magnificent draw got us? Fifth in the league, two points behind the Russians. I bet the Russian’s, the Reds, Spammers, Leicester Titty and even the Toffee chewers are feeling relieved. I bet they are thinking, what a bunch of wankers; they had three points in the palm of their hand and then did a Spursy! A fucking spursy!

Oh, well, let us shoot ourselves in the head and go straight to the game.

Newcastle, yes, Newcastle, the team that is struggling fourth from bottom and losing to every Premier League team in sight, except us, earned a vital point in their fight for Premier League survival thanks to a late equaliser from on-loan, yes, on-loan, Gooners reject, Joe Willock at St James’ Park. Yes, a Joe Willock’s that isn’t good enough to get into a crap Arse-wipes team, but good enough to score for Newcastle against us while he is on loan. Not only have we been kicked in the balls, but while we are rolling about on the floor, a Gooner reject takes the piss.

This  21-year-old reject reacted quickest after Miguel Almiron’s effort was cleared off the line to fire into the roof of the net and deny us a place in the top four for the first time since 2 January. Would you Adam and Eve it? I go on about the Twilight zone, but we seem to be in an ever decreasing circle that is locked into the Twilight zone. Will the nightmare ever end?

Newcastle took the lead when Joelinton slotted home a threaded pass from Sean Longstaff after we were guilty of overplaying at the back. We weren’t going to get any easier match than facing Ashley’s failures.  Granted, we responded within 90 seconds as the Toons failed to clear in their area, and an alert Kane prodded home for his 18th goal of the campaign.

Now, some of you may be saying, well, we were playing away, and we’ve at least got a point… and that maybe so, but on the evidence of today, we ain’t European Champions League material, or even a Europa League arse wiper’s cloth.

Newcastle – who have now only won two of their past 19 Premier League games – remain 17th but move three points clear of Fulham, who occupy the final relegation spot.

My thoughts

Well, this match will increase speculation about Kane’s long-term future. There are growing reports suggesting that he is becoming disillusioned because he is yet to win a trophy (and isn’t unlikely any day soon). Those rumours only intensified when he was mentioned as a possible replacement for the departing Sergio Aguero at Manchester City.

Kane has done plenty of talking on the pitch. He scored in both appearances for England and was once again in deadly form as he moved level with our former striker Jermain Defoe in eighth place on the all-time Premier League goalscoring charts with 162.

He was in the right place at the right time for the first goal, as he capitalised on a woeful piece of Newcastle defending to equal his goalscoring exploits last season and, of course, got the second.

Pre-game, Mourinho said the Russian’s defeat on Saturday “didn’t change our perspective”, but he will know that this was a bloody missed opportunity in what could be a defining month in his reign at our club. But for me, the problem isn’t Mourinho, but Levy & Lewis. With the money Levy gives for the team, we are precisely where we should be. If Levy ups his game, we might have a team that is worthy of a brilliant stadium.

Exits from the FA Cup and Europa League have led to speculation about Mourinho’s long-term future. Upcoming games against United, Everton and City in the League Cup on 25 April are likely to influence whether he is in charge next campaign. But even if Levy brings somebody else in, they won’t be of the calibre of Mourinho, but they will still have the same amount of money to fail specularly with.

The stats

We have dropped four points from winning positions against Newcastle this season, our most in a season against a single side since also dropping four points versus Arsenal and West Brom in 2015-16.

Newcastle have drawn three consecutive Premier League games at St James’ Park for the first time since another three-game run in December 2017-January 2018.

We have failed to win six Premier League games this season, in which we led at half-time, the most of any side.

We have also have dropped 11 points because of goals conceded in the final 10 minutes of games this season, the most of any Premier League side.

Newcastle had 17 shots from inside the box, their most in a Premier League game since recording 23 such efforts against Huddersfield Town in February 2019 under Rafael Benitez.

Jose Mourinho has faced Newcastle’s Steve Bruce as a manager 13 times in all competitions and has never lost against him (W9 D4) (hurray, at least that is bloody something). In his career, he has faced no other manager more times without defeat (P13 W10 D3 L0 against Sam Allardyce).

Newcastle’s Joelinton has scored four goals in 62 Premier League appearances, two of those goals coming in four matches against us – two in 58 versus every other side.

What’s next for us (no, not suicide!)?

We host Mourinho’s former side United on the 11th April at 4.30 pm.

Easter Sunday resulted in chronic diarrhoea, and no, it wasn’t the chocolates… or even the wine (which I didn’t have – maybe I should have, though!).

What can I say, but try to enjoy the rest of your easter and until next time, stay safe!